I have tons to read for school and I'm bored as hell. Shakespeare, Dickens, Derrida, Wittgenstein, and a bunch of forgettable Filipino writers, all squeezed into one day of cramming: tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be cranked with Benzedrine while whizzing past pages and pages of paralyzingly dull texts.

Procrastination is sweet. School is a bitch.

Jump to topic: Three most important people in my life:

1. Kurt Vonnegut
2. Bender Rodriguez
3. Kilgore Trout

I wouldn't consider them people since one is a robot and I wouldn't consider them real since two are fictional. I wouldn't even call them "characters", mind, since one is a real breathing--but now dead--person whose life I know doodley-squat about. We'll just call them entities, fictional or otherwise.

Jump to topic: I like the sound of crap hitting the toilet water. Next time you take a crap, listen to your shit. There's something zenlike and epiphanic about it. I made a haiku on that duct-taped somewhere in my cerebrum.

Jump to topic: Domino is missing! Domino is a seven-month-old fat persian cat. Her fur is a thick carpet of black and white. She's been missing since December 28.

Fuck. I loved Domino next to Stabby.

I am shattered. I dunno what to say. It's almost the same feeling when my dipsomaniac dad died. She's my sister's cat--not much harm done to me.

I'll prolly buy another cat next week. Kitten. Kittens are much like cigarettes: I shouldn't have tasted them. Not that I taste kittens, mind. That would be kinky.XP I've grown dependent on them, and it hurts to let go. Fuck letting go.

Animals are my weakness. I wouldn't give a shit to Sarah Geronimo being eaten alive limb by limb by a crocodile. But animals, I'd kill myself for a drowning kitten.

It's the same irony with other things. I don't drink powdered juices or iced tea or sodas but I drink gallons of liquor. I don't smoke cigarettes (I just quit two months back.) but I'd smoke pot. I wouldn't cry for the Holocaust but I'd cry for a dead stray cat flattened with tire tracks and buzzing with flies on the street.

Jump to topic: Mt. Batulao.

Chito is this pimply computer geek whose body is a monument of patience and devotion. He's the avatar of manhood and unlimited stress-induced pimples, to put. Highly motivated overachieving simpleton with pimpletons all over his face. Pimpletons! Haha. I am a neologizing genius.XD (Tobey, do move on from his pimples.XP So. Moving on.)

On a drunken night in Mt. Batulao, we were sitting in a trapezoidal circle on the ground when he burst out his tent drunk as hell and tottering, pointed his booger-picker finger at me.

"Ikaw!" he said. I glued on him my eyeballs big as golf balls, all bloody and veiny and slimy. "Sumosobra ka na!"

And yes, he was screaming. All twelve or so of us looked up at the ranting drunken idiot.

"Punong-puno na ako sayo!"

What? What did I do?

"Ayaw na ayaw kong tinatawag mo kong gay!"

WTFJESUSCHRIST. This can't be happening.

"Hindi ako bakla, Tobey! Hindi ako bakla!"

I tell him, please stop. Don't do this. It was all a fucking joke. Big fucking deal.

All through the course of the day I'd been calling him gay.

When unzips his backpack and fishes out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, I shriek for everybody to hear: "Gay!"

When he studies his face in his vanity mirror I shriek: "Gay!"

When he leafs through our photos and fingerpoints at himself and yaps how hot he looks like, I shriek: "Gay!"

When he unwittingly orders papaitan at a carinderia and realizes he doesn't eat cow innards, I shriek: "Gay!" We gobbled up all his papaitan down to the last drop of sabaw. He ordered something else.

And so on.

"Gay" is one of my expressions. Something I picked up from Mindtwist. When a bigass beefy military soldier in full battle gear orders a McDonalds Kiddie Meal, I'd call that "gay". When a hot dude wears fluffy bedroom slippers, I'd call that "gay". When some emopunkgoth dickhead wears eyeliners, I'd call him "gay". Gay is a situational adjective for anything NOT manly, is all. So freaking what.

"Putangina hindi ako gay!"

He was hilarious. I was crippling with tears and laughter and bellyaches. I searched everybody else's eyes for some mutual understanding, someone who'd similarly find Chito a big screaming joke. But they all had this same look of a bunny rabbit blinking at a looming sixteen-wheeler truck on the highway.

I was the happiest in that moment of chaos.

"Walang kang karapatan na i-judge ako ng ganyan! Hindi mo ako kilala! Wala akong pakielam kung ayaw mo sa akin basta hindi ako gay!"

Okay, please stop. Stop it. You're humiliating yourself.

"Oo sensitive akong tao pero hinding hindi ako gay putangina!"

Okay, fine, you're not gay. I demand you shut up now.

"Kung lalake ka lang kanina pa dapat kita binugbog!"

Then punch me. Punch me and I wouldn't mind. Punch me and get it all fucking over with.

"Nakakalalake ka na Tobey! Hindi ako gay putangina!" He was about to leap at me when the others held him back.

Dude, it was just a joke, I tell him. I poke fun on everybody. Please don't treat yourself anybody special. Get it over with, it was all a fucking joke.

Then them guys calmed him down and locked him up in his tent.

He was the gayest of gays and he just wouldn't admit it. I mean WTF, big fucking deal.

Jump to: Tubing Macaraig

Speaking of humiliation, this Tubing Macaraig person emailed me to tell me I am humiliating myself in my blog and that she and my classmates and teachers are "saddened to see what I have become". The preachifying email was the same sort of cowcrap you'd hear from your village priest or your mother or grandmother. Too bad the letter is gone; Mindtwist cleared my trashed emails. What an ass.

I don't really give a flying gnatshit what anybody thinks. She must've read that pornographic entry about manflesh and infidelity and whatnot a couple of days ago. But seriously, you just can't judge me by one entry. And who is this Tubing person anyway? She obviously doesn't know me. Who I was then and who I am now are one and the same mofongo; I haven't changed a doodleywink. So if you're saddened by who I am, Miss Judgmental Tutubing, then sucks to you, that is not my problem.XD And what sort of name is that?? Wahahahaha.XD Then again, who gives a shit.

Anyhorsey, my elaborate long-winding reply was: "So?" Haha.XD

Word Up

F
03.01.10 - 23:17

Honest, rude and yet....fuck, I can't think of another rhyme, but this was funny. Any judgment passed is based on the information given and that gay guy is gay. End of story :)

Happy New Year T(iger)

starbrow
04.01.10 - 11:07

oh tobey, stop being funny for my sanity :P

tine
09.01.10 - 13:49

and that is why they invented "ghei". XD

Papaitan Man
09.09.10 - 07:23

Funny blog! It's alright...take it easy...

Word did you say?

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