I hate cats. I hate dumb animals and dumb babies and all the responsibility wrapped and ribboned nicely around them.

Well, fuck. I don't know what to do with my pet kitten Stabby. I wanted to stab her over and over, pierce a barbecue stick from her mouth to her asscrack, and make meself a nice and juicy kitten patty plus ketchup and mayonnaise and lettuce and a slice of tomato and cucumber (Pickles, damnit, peeeeeeeeeekals!) in a towering delicious kittenmeat sandwich. If Stabby's going to die, I rather want her dead with purpose.:p

But she's just soooooooo fucking adorable fuck I think I'm smothering her with too much love and affection. Har.

Once in Biology class, we were discussing about the invention and evolution of sex. The professor with the gray wiry hair snapped his finger at me and said, "You." We were talking about male animals being hunters and gatherers, while female animals as the fountainhead of love and warmth and affection and comfort and such motherly bullshit. "You," he said. He has a giant fucking mole the size of a planet at the very pointed tip of his chin. "I assume you have maternal instincts?" I shook my head. My idiot seatmates laughed. "What?" Giant Fucking Mole said, "You don't have maternal instincts?" My stupid professor couldn't quite understand the universal meaning of shaking my head left and right so I said: "No." Everybody laughed, all my one-hundred-something classmates, they giggled and snickered. Giant Fucking Mole repeated, "Are you sure you don't have any maternal instinct inside you, not one single tiny bit?" I shook my head at the words instinct and bit. "Well then," he said. "That's odd." I say he was quite embarrassed. Ninja kick to your giant planetary mole, professor! Muharhar.XD

I've always thought I'm a pompous chauvinistic egobloated career woman, a she-male, a man-wanna-be.

Being a girl sucks. All the girls I've known suck. (Except for Angeli and Ruth Buttcrack, who are as pompous and chauvinistic and egocentered as meself.:p)

But now, I've proven myself WRONG.

Maybe I've always wanted to be a pussy mommah? Har, bastos! That doesn't sound right.XD Mommy cat, that.

I was supposed to name my kitten Nipples, but thought I already used that name for Kim's dog in my short story Gaysha. Then I thought of naming her after Nibbler, Leela's pet alien triclops (the third eye at the top of his head :p) in the cartoon series Futurama, but chucked it out, that being unoriginal and plagiaristic. Besides, might even karate-wrestle with its copyright infringement thingamaboogershitty laws.

Stabby, my love and baby and cuddly shedizzle wizzle.XD Hoooooofuck, why does she have to be so fucking ADOOOOOOHRABLE??

I. Just. Can't. Kill. Her.

The past week I've spent an average of twenty-four hours a day with Stabby. She loves to play with marbles, strings, and crumpled paper. Her favorite toy is the bloody Q-tip. (Bloody because it's the Q-tip I used to swab the dried natal blood out her ears.) For the next couple of months I'm going to train her how to crap and piss in the john.:p

Every time I whip out my five-foot shined and polished bazooka and aim it at her, I just couldn't do it. She's just too cute. Her cuteness is the reason for her existence. Without her cuteness she would not exist.

I'm making a new list of gifts you people can give me!XD

1. one-liter water bottle that can be chained to a karab (the hook thingamajiggy for mountain climbing)
2. cat toys!:p
3. thick black socks (Socks, how pragmatic. Harhar.XD)
4. ground sheet
5. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy DVD (torrent downloads take forever plus one year :p (Sidenote: What is infinity + 1? Is it still infinity? If it's infinity, would infinity + 1 be any different from infinity?))
6. one rim of Marlboro Menthols
7. a bookshelf I can assemble myself (Hawhawhaw.XD)
8. a Nokia 5070 battery (My Supernova phone was stolen (Sucks to the one who gave to me who happens to have taken it from Globe for free. Sucks to Globe, to put, you capitalist motherfucker! Teehihi.XD) so I have to use my old rotten brick phone.)
9. green tea :p
10. titanium spork

That's it.

I'm celebrating my birthday in Zambales!:p Free food! Free booze! Come one, come all! May bundok at may falls at may dagat! You can nosedive from the falls, roll down the mountain, and drown in the sea. Excited na ako. Hihi.XD Let's celebrate my existence by poisoning ourselves with teh-KILL-lah.:D Siyempre birthday ko, hindi pwedeng Ginebra Gin lang.:p

Faaaack, I'm stinking OLD. Grarrrrr.

Word Up

F
15.06.09 - 17:40

adventures of the molesnatchers. Lol

Alyssa
21.06.09 - 10:37

Tobs, post na ng picture sa LOLcats dali! hahaha!

Word did you say?

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