It was Christmas Eve, and I heard hooves running down our roof and screeching to a halt. Ho! Ho! Ho! said a faint jolly voice of a man. Santa! cried I. I scampered from my bed and woke my brother up. Santa's here! Santa's here! I said, yanking my brother's arm. He winked an eye open and moaned he was still sleepy. Santa Claus isn't real, Gina, said he, Go back to sleep, I need a shuteye. But I heard! I heard! said I, pulling his sheets and tugging his arm. I heard hooves galloping and stopping at the roof and a voice saying Ho-ho-ho! Stop it, Gina, said he. He pulled his bed sheet up his neck, and turned his back at me. You're imagining things, he said, it's all up in your head. But I'm not imagining things, I said, And mum said Santa is real! But my brother snored back to sleep so I left him at that and peeked out the living room to see if Santa's there.

The coast was clear: the living room was lit, the Christmas tree stood by the fireplace and the presents sat below the tree. The table! It was empty. I stepped out the room and dashed to the kitchen to fix Santa some milk and cookies, and set them on the table as quickly as I could. I heard footsteps up the roof circling the chimney and I hid behind the couch. He's up there! thought I.

What a little chimney you got! I heard a voice echo from the fireplace. Help me down here Rudolph, said the voice. I heard an animal neigh, ambling nearer the chimney. Stay right there on my behind, the voice said, And push my butt up, will you. The fireplace stirred, and ashes rained on the chopped wood. I can't fit myself in this! said the voice. It's too tight! Step on my shoulders, Rudolf, there, right there, and move your hips right behind me. Now push! I heard more ashes and dust shaking down the fireplace. Move closer, said the voice. The reindeer neighed. I need to hold your head, said he. I peered from behind the sofa and anticipated the sight of his red shoes from the fireplace. More gray ashes and black dust rained on the firewood. Oh jolly! said the voice. I might have to pull my tummy in to fit myself in here! Oh my, my palms are getting sweaty from holding your head, Rudolph. Mighty good thing yours is hairy. Just bear with me while I slip myself in this. I heard the voice heave, and with one fast movement, Santa slid down the filthy vent and crashed on the burnt firewood. All were a cloud of smoke and dust, and I hid myself from view, blinking stunned. Wait till Derick hears this! thought I.

I heard the firewood bash against each other, more bits of ash and dust spread in the living room. Oof! said the voice. That was a long dark tunnel up there! I peeked from one armrest of the couch and saw Santa sticking his head inside the fireplace. He was huge and fat, and he was wearing something red with white hairy things on the hemline. Rudolph! he bellowed from the fireplace, his neck craned up the hole. Throw in my big bag of goodies will you! In a second a heavy red bag flopped on Santa's head. Dangnabbit Rudolph! he cried, shaking his clenched fist. Damn animals, he said, dropping things on your face without warning. He set the bag on the floor and stretched his arms and back. There was something that was swelling and growing big beneath his clothes. His tummy! It was growing back to normal, protruding out his waist and sagging down his belt.

Oh, milk and cookies! Yum yum! said Santa. I watched him nibble my cookies and drink my milk down to the last drop. Deeeelicious! I want more! he said. I wanted to fix him some more milk and cookies, but right when I was about to step out from behind the sofa the door of our room bolted open and out stepped my brother Derick, first yawning and blinking droopily, then his eyes nearly bounced out his head. Derick! I cried and ran towards him. I told you he's real! I told you! I told you! I was jumping and bouncing and pointing at the big old fat guy in red suit. Blow me down! said Derick. He was a few inches taller than me. He was stunned for a moment then Santa hollered, There you are my little rascals! He whipped up his giant bag of goodies and the bag fell on his back. I have something in my bag for you! said Santa. He strode to the couch and sat his big fat ass on it. My brother and I clapped our hands, ran up to him, and knelt on the floor right in front his giant bag.

Gina, said Santa finger-pointing at my nose, You've been a naughty, naughty girl this year! He opened his bag, rummaged, and drew my present from it. It was seven inches long and two inches wide. A milk bottle! Oh Santa, I said, this isn't what I asked for! I'm not a baby any more! Derick laughed, snatched my present, and nursed it in his mouth. I asked for a hotdog pillow! I said. I need a hotdog pillow to put in between my legs so I can get to sleep! Santa pulled my present from Derick's mouth and handed it to me saying, You'd have to do with this one; you've been doing very bad things this year little girl.

And you, Santa said pointing at Derick, You've been a naughty, naughty boy yourself! Naw Santa, Derick said, I don't want another milk bottle! Oh nononono! said Santa, as he put both his hands inside his bag and took out something long and hard and two balls with it. A golf play set! But I don't want no golf play set! said Derick. I don't even know how to hold this shaft! Oh it's pretty easy once you practice long enough, said Santa. Just hold the club like this, Santa said, performing the right handgrip in front of my brother, and swung it to shoot an imaginary ball into a hole. Like this? asked my brother, bending his back, his legs apart, and holding the shaft in a particular angle. Yes, yes, very good! said Santa. Now fire that in the hole. Derick swung the club, hitting the ball which shot into the fireplace. I cheered and clapped my hands. Nice swing! said I. Derick put another ball on the floor and shot it with his club. Down the fireplace it went, a perfect shot. I walked to the fireplace and said, You better wash your dirty balls, Derick. They're all smothered with ash and soot.

My work here is done! said Santa, standing up and carrying his bag on his back. So soon? Derick and I said. Why, yes, said Santa, I have more presents to deliver! Never you worry, I'll give you bigger presents next time! So he walked into the fireplace and shoved his head up the hole. See you next year! he finally said, tucking his tummy in and crawling up the chimney. Good bye! we chorused. Derick and I went into our room and played with his club and balls until morning.

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