What I'm doing right now is I'm smoking a one-fifth burnt up Marlboro Menthol after I've brushed my teeth and exposed all my gum-pores to suck in the nicotine and grant me some horrible gum disease in the distant future.

I have nothing to talk about so I'll just blabber random.

Let me tell you something about my teeth. I have about six shallow cavities. The ones with plaque so black you'll mistaken it for a ten-year-old amalgam. I have skimping dental maintenance. That being, visiting the dentist only every five years or so to get a prophylaxis, and brushing my teeth only when my forecast says I'll be tornado tongue wrestling with somebody else's tongue, or, when I feel nicotine build up on my enamels, or, my tongue thick as a carpet with layers of archaeological food residue.

The thing with my teeth is, I used to have saw teeth. You know, the serrated teeth that cut through an apple so raw you see the ripples on the apple's white surface with some blood because I lack vitamin C.

So one day when I was ten or something when all my baby teeth were pushed out by my permanent teeth, I was facing the mirror, studying the serration on my upper and lower incisors thin as blades. That was when I saw on my mother's vanity sink a sheet of fresh sandpaper black and sparkling like how a granite floor does under a lamplight.

You know what happened next. The big WTF.

I sandpapered the edges of my sawteeth. That is a big secret I've never told anybody about.

So when someone says to me, You have nice chompers, or, Your smile. It's something that makes people stare at my teeth. Well, they're nicotine-yellow. They're nicely arranged, nicely structured and preordained by my nice-teeth genes. But it's all just that: a face, a front, a suface. Behind it are microorganisms and a legion of bacteria waging war against my almost-nonexistent fluoride lobsterbacks.

And.

I'm bored.

Word did you say?

« How to Teleport to the Hospital | Emortal »